The Writer as Friendly Curmudgeon – Building Fences Without Walling People Out

One of my favorite pictures of my mother, embodying all her effervescence and zest for life – letting her fringe fly. 

It’s apropos for me that week’s topic – which has to do with attempting to be both a writer and a socially acceptable person – falls on Mother’s Day. My mother is tremendously social person. She’s good at it, and she loves it. Me… well, I’ve always struggled a bit with feeling like I’m not as good at it, and it took me a really long time to understand that about myself. Come on over to the SFF Seven to read more

Equinox

There’s this woman who works at the gym we go to. She’s there pretty much every morning starting at 5. Every once in a while someone else is working, but it’s usually this gal. She’s in her 60s, most likely, and looks great with it.

And she’s a talker. She loves noise.

Full disclosure: while I’m a reasonably social person under most circumstances, I’m not so much at 6 in the morning. My brain isn’t firing all neurons yet – only those needed to get me out of bed and to the gym. When I’m lifting weights, I like to concentrate on that. I don’t want to chat.

She does.

I know a lot of people do like to socialize at the gym. I see them standing around and talking for 1/2 hour or more. Me – I want to be there and gone in 1/2 hour.

I’m grumpy that way.

I’m grumpy enough that if she comes over to where I’m working out, I won’t really engage in her conversational gambits. I’ll smile, nod, give her the huh, go figure. David, being much nicer, will talk to her, which just encourages her. Then he grumbles to me later.

Today she went over to where a client was working with a personal trainer, saying something about dancing at nightclubs. I heard the client gal say in a joking voice “hey, you’re distracting my trainer – go away!”

Nicely done, I thought.

But then Chatty Sue came over to us, where David and I were working on neighboring machines.

“Today is the last day of summer!” she announced.

David said, “Oh, is it?”

“Yes! Isn’t that terrible!”

I couldn’t help myself. “It’s the autumnal equinox,” I said, “it’s a day of balance.”

“Yeah – I hate to see summer go,” she complained. And proceeded to tell us about her tomatoes which, incidentally, she’d told us about before.

I didn’t try again.

To think of today as the last day of summer is silly to me. For some of us, the weather lingers hot, for others, snow has already fallen and summer is long gone. The division of the seasons is a mark on the calendar. But the equinox is about the balance of light and dark. Exactly poised. It’s a moment of equilibrium, the pause, the imperceptible hesitation of the pendulum before it swings back the other direction.

It’s a day of possibility.

The Cat Who Walks by Herself

I said to David last night that it’s very tempting for me just to tuck in here with him, in our house in the country where I know practically no one.

This was after he didn’t mind me jumping up to take a picture of the moon after he’d made love to me in a particularly sweet way, because I was feeling all distressed about a social conflict. (Sorry if that’s TMI — just keep going, I won’t do it again.)

Some philosophies promote the idea of becoming a hermit. The whole fantasy of living alone in a cave or on a mountain top. Or even in a cloister with a lovely vow of silence.

I come by this naturally, as an only child. I love to be by myself. It’s soothing. A friend once argued with me that I only like to be alone because I don’t have to be. Meaning that I have a partner where she didn’t. I could see her point, but I don’t think that’s the case.

In fact, David is a miracle of a person for me because being with him feels as good as being alone.

I think it’s a harmony thing. I have friends that draw energy from social interaction. They thrive on it and spiral up ever higher. For me, it’s a drain. I can do it for a while, but after a time I have to be alone to recharge.

But I think the hermit thing is a cop out.

The way I see it, we’re all here on this planet, crammed together, to learn something. And the something clearly involves interacting with each other. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so damn painful. And joyous, too.

It’s a funny world now. Though I live out in this quiet house and frequently see no one but David and the fur family all day — and yes, I love love love it — I talk online to many many people. Some friends, some acquaintances. It’s almost like being on campus again. Some people I just wave to. Some say something funny as we pass on the sidewalk. Others I sit down and have lunch with. It feels like a full social day.

And, as you probably suspect, I love that I can turn the connection off again, too.

Hey — at least I’m not doing the hermit thing!