Category: Blog

Social Distancing and Social Media

Jeffe Kennedy / / Blog

I’ve been complaining a bit lately about the internet.

Well, maybe “complaining” is the wrong word. I’ve been thinking a lot about how surfing the internet rewires our brains and impacts peace of mind and productivity. And the steps I’ve been taking to counteract that – staying off the internet for the first couple of hours of the day, not looking at any email or social media until after I’ve gotten my three-thousand words written – have been truly revelatory. At the risk of jinxing myself, I’m making wonderfully smooth and steady progress on THE PROMISED QUEEN, and it’s felt fantastic. Plus I have more energy and focus for dealing with stuff like email in the afternoons.

But, as we in the U.S. are holding our collective breaths, waiting to see if the COVID-19 pandemic explodes beyond the current, relatively low levels here, we are talking a lot about self-isolation and social distancing. Other countries are much more experienced with those measures to quell epidemics and minimize the community spread of disease, so in the U.S. we’re having to think our way through it. Those of us who work from home already, and who tend to be introverts happy with little external social life have an advantage. I’m still laughing at this XKCD:

(The mouse-over text says “Turns out I’ve been ‘practicing social distancing’ for years without even realizing it was a thing!”)

As I weigh what social events matter enough for me to attend – and my major concern is that I could carry the virus and spread it to others – I am counting my blessings that I have social media. Used judiciously and with intention, social media can be a wonderful tool. It connects us to the world at large, literally! I have friends all over the world I can connect with and enjoy.

Who knows – maybe we’ll be doing Hangouts video calls with cocktails in our separate homes while we wait this out. I don’t see that as a dire prediction of the future as so many seem to. (SFF writers, who are a lot of my author friends, are super good at spinning dystopian futures.) It’s a temporary fix, until we beat this bug and can hug again without worrying about the consequences.

It’s way better than not having any contact at all.

When Writers Block Means to Dig Deeper

Jeffe Kennedy / / Blog

Our topic at the SFF Seven this week is: “The most difficult scene you ever wrote and why.”

I’m guessing that’s why was it difficult, not why we wrote it. Though I do think the why we wrote the scene in the first place is relevant.

There’s a school of thought among writers and writerly-advice givers that if a story becomes difficult – if the writer hits a block and grinds to a stop – then that’s an indicator of Something Gone Wrong. I see this advice a lot. Writers will say – often in response to questions about how they handle Writer’s Block – “When I hit a block, I know I’ve done something wrong, taken a wrong turn somewhere, so I go back and rework the plot.”

You all have heard a version of this, right?

Makes me cringe every time. I’ll tell you why. But you have to go to the SFF Seven to find out. 

Advice for Introductions at Conferences

Jeffe Kennedy / / Blog

Spring is here, which means the start of conference season!

Well, if we *get* to have a conference season this year. Hopefully COVID-19 won’t ruin all of our plans. The SFWA Board met yesterday and we’re planning to go ahead with Nebula Conference at the end of May. We’ve talked with the hotel and put contingency plans in place, but for now we’re still on.

One thing that’s been on my mind to mention for a while is introductions at conferences. People talk about this from time to time, but I think it’s always worth revisiting. Here’s a little story I want to tell you, to explain why this topic is evergreen.

Not long ago, I was on a call with a number of people. One of them was new to the group. We’ll call her Sally. I said, “Hi, Sally! Have we met before?”

She said, “Yes, Jeffe. Like four times.”

Of course I felt bad about that. And I remembered her after that! But how do I remember her? As the person who called me out. My feeling shitty about not remembering her is now the feeling I most strongly associate with Sally.

Introductions are not an easy thing to navigate. And I freely cop to this failing of mine. Yes, it’s a failing, and I’m not getting better as I get older. I’m terrible at recognizing faces. I’m pretty good at retaining names – I’m primarily an auditory learner – and I’m likely to remember obscure facts you tell me about yourself, but I might not put your name to your face. I’m the person at the table who has no idea what the server looks like. I once mixed up Matt Dillon/Matt Damon & Ben Stiller/Ben Affleck, because Something About Mary and Good Will Hunting came out around the same time. Never mind that these people look nothing alike, nor are the movies anything alike – but look at the cadence of the names and titles.

This is how my brain files stuff. I’d say it’s annoying, except that overall it’s a pretty good filing system. I can recall a lot of information and my brain has served me well all my life. I’m a great test-taker. I’m not so great at remembering faces, or if I’ve met someone.

That’s the other thing. I meet a lot of people, especially at conferences. I hit overload pretty quickly, too, often after the first day. I can be a gregarious person, but I’m functionally an introvert. I live in the country where it’s quiet, with dirt roads and no street lights. I can go days never seeing another live person besides my husband. We don’t have many visitors, besides the birds, coyotes and bobcats – and I can’t really tell them apart either.

I know I don’t remember people well, and I’m not proud of it. But I also loathe leaving people unacknowledged. So, I err on the side of reintroducing myself. I’ll usually give my name, and ask if we’ve met before. Most people are super gracious about it if we have. What I love is if they offer me context. Something like, “Yes, we met last year at Nebula Conference and were on the burnout panel together.” Then I’ll be all “Oh, right! And you talked about how you went through x, y, z.” I just need that contextual trigger.

You know how I remember them after that? With pleasure. And I’m more likely to retain that identifier and remember them next time.

One year, when my Twelve Kingdoms series was first taking off, I went to a conference and was introducing myself, as I always do. Only that year, for the first time, when I said, “Hi, I’m Jeffe Kennedy,” the other person said, “Oh, I know.” People, this happened not once, not twice, but at least three times. Maybe more. It was a total conversation killer. I don’t know if they meant it flatteringly – or if they’d heard unkind gossip. But it was most unsettling. I can tell you this, too – some of the most famous authors I’ve met have introduced themselves. I think that route is far better than expecting everyone to Know Who You Are.

So, what’s the advice?

  1. Introduce yourself to everyone you’re not sure you know.
  2. Don’t be shamed if someone says you’ve already met.
  3. Feel free to look at name tags. That’s why we wear them.
  4. Don’t be shamed if someone calls you out for looking at their name tag.
  5. If someone you’ve met before doesn’t remember you, don’t be offended. Don’t call them out. Be gracious. Maybe offer a helpful bit of context for when you met before.
  6. If they still don’t remember you, be cool about it, because this is your opportunity to create an impression with them. Don’t make it a shitty one.

 

Remember: we go to conferences to meet each other and celebrate our shared profession. It can be awesome.