Firing that Inner Critic

Something I get asked quite a bit in the various workshops I teach, is essentially how to deal with the inner critic. The questions come to me like this:

How do you deal with worrying about family reading your sex scenes?

My (sister/mother/father/aunt) says I can’t write about this because I’ll hurt people – what do I do?

Every time I try to finish my story, I get bogged down in editing – how can I get past this?

All of these are evidence of the inner critic at work. Even those voices that “sound” like they come from someone else, those are simply concerns that we’ve internalized. It’s like a part of our brains is a tape recorder, faithfully taking down every criticism leveled at us. Then, when we got to write, it “helpfully” plays all of that back for us.

So, a lot of the time I tell people this is part of the gig (which it is) and you simply have to get good at exercising the discipline of shutting this voice off (which is also true). At the most basic level, it’s like learning to exercise regularly. At some point you have to shuck the excuses, laziness and don’t-wannas and just do it.

Write the sex scene anyway.

Write the memoir anyway.

Don’t go back and edit until you’re done.

All of that makes it sound easy, which it isn’t. It’s simple, but not easy. But I haven’t had better advice than this. 

Recently, however, I discovered a tool for myself that I want to share.

Because – don’t mistake me – these things don’t go away. I’ve never met any writer, no matter how practiced or successful, who’s said they no longer hear these undermining voices. The syndrome can come and go, depending on overall life and emotional health, and on the project. 

I struggled with this not long ago because of a chain of events where several people said critical things to me. A couple of them were angry with me and said things deliberately to hurt me. Even though I knew that intellectually, my inner tape recorder faithfully took down all of it, playing it back for me over and over, along with other stuff – negative comments from reviews, chance remarks that no one meant in a bad way. It became this inescapable ear worm that filled my head when I tried to write, making it both difficult and agonizing.

Finally, I made a stack of blank paper squares. I set them on my writing desk with a stainless steel mixing bowl (nothing special about that – just so I wouldn’t set my desk on fire, as appealing as the notion was at the time), and a lighter I use to light the candle in my tea warmer.

Every time one of those repeated phrases came into my head, I immediately wrote it on a square of paper and then burned it. Witness my pile of ash above!

You know what?? It worked like a charm. Those confidence-sapping earworms disappeared. And stayed gone. So much so that I can’t remember now what they were, much as I’d like to give you examples.

I’m encouraging you all to try this. Let me know how it works out!

New Word Count Record! (Also, Why I’ve Been Quiet)

weekly word count recordLook at that! Yes, that’s my weekly wordcount graph for this last week, where I blew my previous record out of the water. I’m just ever so pleased with myself.

I mentioned earlier this week that I wanted to re-jigger my writing schedule to maximize my productivity, now that I’m writing full time. I figured I should be able to up my output, but so far hadn’t done so by as much as I’d hoped. In the past, I worked pretty intensely for several hours, usually getting 2,000 to 3,000 words before switching over to the day job. (Which I did from home, so no commute or like considerations.) I thought I should be able to get up to 5,000 words and still have more day to do Other Things (like reading, house projects, etc.).

But I wasn’t getting there. Even with the Jeffe Training for a Marathon Method (TM) of increasing wordcount production, I was punking out well before 5K. As in, I got tired and couldn’t focus enough to keep going.

So I looked at ways to change things up.

First, I stopped the video watching, as I discussed before.

Then I did the major trick I always resort to when I’m not getting the focus and flow I need. I often fall into the pattern of turning on my computer, opening email and my browser, then checking all the social media and various messages. This often takes my brain in the wrong direction. Now that I’ve been waking up naturally and not setting my alarm, I’ve been indulging in my favorite waking up ritual, which is to lie there for a good half hour before getting up. I rarely sleep later than 7 and most of the time I’m out of bed by 6. But I start waking up before that and love to lie there in a lovely relaxed alpha-wave state, thinking about the book I’m writing, something I call the Dreamthink. If I pour a bunch of other information into my head in between that Dreamthink time and actually writing, I lose a lot.

So, first step was to write first. That would prime the pump and get things going. My first 500 words of the day are always the slowest. I speed up as I go. However, I didn’t want to go too long without checking for messages from overnight, so I decided I’d try for 500 words before anything else, then break to check the rest.

Then something entirely new occurred to me.

I’d been in a pattern of writing intensely for condensed periods of time, but why keep doing that if I didn’t need to? A lot of writers use the #1K1Hr hashtag and benchmark – writing 1,000 words or for 1 hour, whichever it came out to. Instead, I tried a schedule of 30 minutes and 500 words, with breaks in between.

And boy howdy, how it worked!

This is the schedule I set up:

get up/workout

6:00 AM

7:30 AM

1:30

   

write

7:30 AM

8:15 AM

0:45

     500

 

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

8:15 AM

8:45 AM

0:30

   

write

8:45 AM

9:15 AM

0:30

     500

    1,000

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

9:15 AM

9:30 AM

0:15

   

write

9:30 AM

10:00 AM

0:30

     500

    1,500

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

10:00 AM

10:15 AM

0:15

   

write

10:15 AM

10:45 AM

0:30

     500

    2,000

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

10:45 AM

11:00 AM

0:15

   

write

11:00 AM

11:30 AM

0:30

     500

    2,500

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

11:30 AM

11:45 AM

0:15

   

write

11:45 AM

12:15 PM

0:30

     500

    3,000

lunch/read

12:15 PM

1:15 PM

1:00

   

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

1:15 PM

1:30 PM

0:15

   

write

1:30 PM

2:00 PM

0:30

     500

    3,500

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

2:00 PM

2:15 PM

0:15

   

write

2:15 PM

2:45 PM

0:30

     500

    4,000

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

2:45 PM

3:00 PM

0:15

   

write

3:00 PM

3:30 PM

0:30

     500

    4,500

check email/facebook/twitter/blogs/chat

3:30 PM

3:45 PM

0:15

   

write

3:45 PM

4:15 PM

0:30

     500

    5,000

reading/gifts/decs

4:15 PM

5:30 PM

1:15

   

finances/business/blog post

5:30 PM

6:00 PM

0:30

   

yoga/weights

6:00 PM

6:30 PM

0:30

   

movie

6:30 PM

9:00 PM

2:30

   

read

9:00 PM

10:00 PM

1:00

   

I was going to post that as a jpg image, so it would be prettier and more compact, but then I heard Sassy Outwater in my head, chastising me about accessibility, so…

At any rate, the first week was a runaway success! I went from 14K on THE EDGE OF THE BLADE to 35K. I’m ever so pleased with how I felt, too. I tend to be a concentrated, focused worker, so the idea of taking regular breaks is new to me, but it worked out great for my endurance! I set up all the times as formulas, so my daily schedule hinges around when I do get up (which I wanted to keep organic) and can be adjusted if stuff comes up. If I get ahead of schedule with especially good writing runs, I finish earlier in the afternoon.

We’ll see how week two goes.