Anger Management

This is a Cinco de Mayo rose. I just love the subtle lavenders in with the brighter shades. I bought this rose at Santa Fe Gardens, which is the local bricks & mortar presence of High Country Gardens. If we weren’t on water restrictions that forbid new plantings, I’d go every weekend and pick out just one new friend to take home.

It feels good to me to garden again. To spend some time with the earth and the plants.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote on Word Whores about how I’ve given up so many hobbies, to make time for writing. I don’t regret that choice, by any stretch. The last couple of years have been very productive for me. You folks out there might not be able to tell, because it’s mostly going to yucca juice right now, but I’ve been writing these fabulous novels that will be published ANY SECOND NOW. I’ve got a good root system of several series going. When I look at my portfolio, it feels good.

Hell, I feel sexy just saying I have a portfolio.

Yesterday, I mentioned to the fabulous author Laura Bickle that I’m trying not to be angry that I’m going to RWA this year with the same novel I pitched last year. She told me she thought I should be angry. That it’s healthy to express that anger, rather than tamping it down and seething over it.

She’s right.

I am angry and that feels good, too. It makes me mad that no one has fallen in love with this novel like I feel it deserves. It pisses me off that so many agents tell me they love it, the premise, the writing, the characters – and ask me to send them the very next thing I write. I’m angry and that fires me up.

Yes, I know I could self-publish. Or submit to a press directly. I’m choosing not to at this point.

I see so much dithering in the publishing world right now. So many of the industry professionals are hunkered down waiting to see what will happen. I hear many editors have been instructed not to acquire anything at all. I see agents making what seem to be desperation moves, selling clients’ work to epresses with no track record. Established authors are turning down NYC deals to self-publish. (Courtney Milan is the latest news that way.)

We all want to make the thing happen. To get the stories to the readers, to make a living doing what we love. Everyone seems desperate to get rich and terrified of going under.

So, I’m coming back to the idea of balance. I’m spending more time in the garden, hand-watering and adding mulch to retain moisture.

I let myself be angry and it felt good, too.

It’s good to want things.

8 Replies to “Anger Management”

  1. Thanks, Kristina – I think it will, too! I don't mean to sound pitiful. Just… impatient.

  2. Anger is good fuel. Properly harnessed, it can help move us forward. It's energy, like any other emotion. The key, I think, is pouring it into creative work, pushing it out and letting it be productive. It's like fire. Can be destructive, but also can do a helluva lotta good things.

  3. What Laura said about anger being like fire. If used properly, it can be good. I do think you have to be careful about feeding it, though. Release it, but don't pour gasoline on it. 🙂

  4. Oh yes – I totally agree. The anger must be directed, lest we become like so many Great Cautionary Tales, endlessly twisting in the eternal injustice of a cruel universe.

    So there! 😀

  5. Well, I'm cheering for you!

    And also hoping things lighten up over the agentland pretty damn soon, if I'm honest.

  6. Ha, Sylvia! Yes, that's a perfect way to put it. A vast lightening up would be healthy for everyone.

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