Pressing the Sheets

This begs a comment about all reproductive activities following certain patterns…

I took this pic near my folks’ house in Tucson. The agave plants are sending up their spires, with varying kinds of blooms. Some of them will use up all of their resources to make the spire and flowers, much like a spawning salmon, dying to reproduce. That’s my biologist lens coming into play.

Tawna Fenske would undoubtedly find a rude joke to make, perhaps even run a contest about it.

Marcella Burnard would undoubtedly buy a huge textbook on agaves and write a mini-dissertation on them.

Linda Grimes would find an array of dirty pictures derived from cactus to share.

We all see these things differently because we all have different ways of processing the world, particularly sexual matters. Even if it’s plant sex. Sex is a deeply personal and intimate thing. It’s also one of those things where what we SAY about it doesn’t necessarily match what we DO. Because the doing, except in certain circumstances, is usually done privately with only one other participant, or maybe several, plus the dog.

(Had to throw that in, for my CPs!)

At any rate, this is on my mind, not just because of the prodigious agave spawning we witnessed, but because of this article. The author’s intent is to make the argument that if a married man isn’t getting satisfactory sex at home, then it’s better for him to pay a professional than to have an affair.

It also has the, perhaps unintended, effect of illustrating how the author feels about sex in general. To sum up, she finds it normal that she declined sex with her husband so as not to mess up the nicely ironed sheets.

Worse, *all* her friends that she polled agreed. They don’t like sex, don’t want to have it. From this she extrapolates that women don’t like sex.

See, I have a really different circle of friends.

Most of whom still have their mouths hanging open, muttering “she IRONS her SHEETS???”

This is, of course, why I love you all. And hey – if you’re a sheet-ironer out there, you can still hang with us. Then you can explain where you find the time!

I once went to one of those Chippendales shows, back in small town Wyoming. You know the thing – the male dancers take over the bar, women patrons only, they strip and strut about, dancing sometimes an overstatement. I went with this group of gals I worked with. Over the evening, they transformed. Some of it was the drinking, sure, but there was more. These usually demure wives and mothers, who would be disgusted if some cowboy in a bar stripped his shirt off and grabbed their hands to run over his chest were screaming in delight and tipping guys to do this.

You could say it’s a power thing, which could be true, but I suspect it’s more that it’s how they thought they should behave. After all, the guys like that kind of thing. Men are openly honest about enjoying sex and sexual things, whereas women range over the spectrum in how frank they are.

There are lots of reasons for this. But it’s not that all women don’t like sex.

In fact, my main response to that article was a fervent wish that the author would seek counseling. You don’t have to be that woman, screaming with desire and pawing young dancers, but if perfect sheets are more important than being intimate with your life partner, then something likely needs revisiting.

Actually, if perfectly pressed sheets takes priority over anything at all, I think you need to come sit on my patio and have a glass of wine.

We’ll talk.

11 Replies to “Pressing the Sheets”

  1. I feel obligated to point out that she's from the Daily Mail. It's a rag. When you want to put down a segment of the British population as not-very-bright, you refer to them as Daily Mail readers. There's even a plug-in for your browswer to show you Tea and Kittens if you follow a link to the Daily Mail (because the utter ludicrousness of their articles can cause brain damage).

    I just don't want you to think that woman is normal. You aren't the first to wish that their writers seek counseling 😀

  2. Yeah, I read that article, too. And it made me scratch my head.

    Not everyone HAS to have a relationship to be satisfied and happy in life. I think that's a myth.

    It sounds like she genuinely doesn't want him around – so why doesn't she cut him loose? Live on her own?

  3. Sylvia – this is an incredibly important cultural insight! Here I thought this was a mainstream journal. I feel totally taken in now. And LOVE the Tea and Kittens plug-in. Clearly we need to circulate this among US readers so we don't accidentally believe this stuff!

    So, does this mean she likely exaggerated or even outright lied to make it a sensational article?

  4. Whoa. That is the dumbest article I've ever read. Almost as dumb as ironing sheets.

    Re me finding an array of dirty cactus pictures to share: you know me so well. 😉

  5. I look forward to the dirty cactus pic blog post, Linda! And yes, you may absolutely use this one.

    Ha, Patty! I love my crowd.

  6. I'll give her a nod that an affair is worse than rotating through prostitutes for those who like to rank betrayal on a sliding scale. Beyond that, the chick is utter nutters.

    But, because we're talking about prostitutes, I have to echo that infamous quote by whomever of "you don't pay a whore for sex, you pay her to leave without incident."

  7. See, I had to go look at the article after reading through all the comments. First of all, her picture at the top? She needs to get banged. Hard. From behind. Then maybe she'll stop ironing her damn sheets and loosen those panties that are clearly in a wad.

    Second of all, she's a bitter old hag. Her husband cheated on her because – hello – she's frigid. And her article rambles, too.


  8. I agree, KAK – the article *could* have made sense… and LOVE that quote!

    Michelle, I am laughing like crazy. What an image. I also tend to agree.

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