A few weeks back, I was cleaning up the garden for winter (which turns out to be a good thing because we’re in full-blown blizzard conditions right now) and I managed to gouge my hand on a garden stake. Right in the center of my palm. It wasn’t a bad scrape, but it looked unsettlingly like a stigmata.
Naturally, being a Twitter junkie, I tweeted about my new stigmata (stigmatum?) and dubbed myself #HolyJeffe.
I have it on good authority that several people took up the epithet and used it in good health.
Now, a number of people asked if they should worship me, which is just wrong, wrong, wrong. No, I said, you should worship that which gave me the stigmatum (“stigmata” sounds better), from whom all holiness flows. The garden stake.
Being in The Netherlands, Sullivan McPig, somewhat anxiously inquired if any garden stake would do. I had to deliver the bad news that, while all garden stakes are images of the One, True Garden Stake and one should always express courtesy and reverence towards them, that only the One, True Garden Stake would do for offerings.
Being the generous soul that I am, I agreed to be a conduit for all such offerings.
Holy Jeffe cares about you.
So, Sullivan, and his cohort, Voodoo Bride, who does book reviews here, got their owner to send tribute to the One, True Garden Stake.
It was acceptable.
Good Sinterklaasavond to Sullivan, Voodoo Bride and Carien and her partner today!
14 Replies to “The One, True Garden Stake”
Will send my offering of fertilizer (aka, manure) ASAP. (What? I assume that’s appropriate for a garden stake deity.)
The One, True Garden Stake asks only that you give truly of what’s in your heart, Linda. If, um, that’s BS, then that’s what you have to give. 😀
Yay! We’re glad to see the One, True Garden Stake accepted our offering.
VERY pleased, yes!
Yes, it sounds like that Stake went right after what was in your heart, Jeffe.
I’m going to resist making any references to The Matrix. Most excellent offerings to the One True Stake!
Wake up, Neo!
Just because I can’t let it lie…the singular of stigmata is stigma.
Gabi! Duh – of COURSE, it’s “stigma.” I feel so foolish. (Except that I’m smart to have a grammar-junkie friend.)
Acceptable and delicious offering to the garden stake. Hmm… Was it perchance chocolate?
Oh! I should have said! Derr. It was Hazel Noot chocolate. TOTGS and I liked it very much!
Oh good and worthy keeper of the One, True Garden Stake, thou must be truly magnificent to have partaken of the amazing hazelnut chocolate offering from your devout followers in the Netherlands.
Or something like that. I’m totally jealous – not of the stigmata, of course, which sounds like it hurt. Enjoy the treats and I hope your wound heals fast.
Actually, I’m totally unworthy, B.E., but I snarfed up the chocolate just the same!