Dreading the Banal Finale

The first blossoms of spring!

So, never mind about devastating earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan, let me tell you about my fingernail. Fair warning, this is frivolous and silly.

From the Department of Banal Details About My Life, here is Exhibit A:

Okay, it’s the only exhibit. But see how my social finger has that big white mark? It’s harder to see the bruise around it. Hey – it’s really hard to take a photograph of your own right hand when you’re right-handed. Anyhoo, that white stuff is my fingernail splintering apart due to the damaged nail bed around it.

Back around Christmas I injured that finger. I thought about making up a story here, about how I was snatching an orphan, or perhaps a kitten, from the path of an oncoming train. But I couldn’t tweak the plot enough where I ended up with only a pinched finger instead of a severed limb.

So, okay, maybe I was luxuriating on my mom and Dave’s fab patio in Tucson and reached back to adjust my lounge chair and caught my finger in the mechanism. I didn’t spill my drink, but it *really* hurt.

Look – I told you this wasn’t on the scale of 88,000 people missing in Japan.

The blood blister and bruising at the base of the nail healed in a few days, but I’ve watched this fault in my nail move bit by bit towards the tip of my finger over the last two months. I know when it reaches near where the nail bed ends, my nail will break, probably well below the quick.

I’ve been keeping nail polish on it, to fortify the strength of the nail. Now, I am not the kind of gal who keeps her nails polished. Special occasions, sure. In college, I used to go around saying “Show me a woman with a perfect manicure and I’ll show you a woman with a lot of time on her hands.”

Yeah, I didn’t have a lot of friends.

I put polish on again last night, after I took this pic – which is why I didn’t retake it for better focus. All you’d see is pink. But I can feel the instability on that side of the nail.

It’s like this slow-motion mini-disaster. The tension builds over two months, reaching back to the moment of that initial injury, foreshadowing the ultimate breakdown. Now, finally, after following this story for weeks, I’m reaching the end and I’m dreading the finale. The blood, the shredded nail. How I’ll have to walk around with my social finger sticking out so that it won’t catch on things.

Maybe that part will be kind of fun.

10 Replies to “Dreading the Banal Finale”

  1. "Social finger"? Tee-hee. I love that. Come on, Jeffe, tell us what really happened. You flipped off the wrong person, didn't you? 😉

    I hate waiting for fingernail injuries to grow out, too. Takes for-freakin'-ever.

  2. Oh my goodness, you make me laugh!! haha

    And why do I have to hit Post Comment FOUR times before it'll post? It hates me…

  3. Damn, Linda – I should have come to you for alternate plot lines! That would have been the perfect one.

    Glad to make you laugh, MM! And I don't know why. It's truly annoying.

    You'll have to come take care of me, Mom!

  4. Nail Bandage + Nail Glue = Nail Mortar

    Of course, sticking your wounded social finger out while imbibing will make for all sorts of fun commentary.

  5. KAK – are there really things like Nail Bandages and Glue? More, do they really work??

    OMG, Marcella – you are so right! Allison thought she had it bad because I made her wash my back at National (strapless dress + black feathered wings = oh noes!), but you'll have to apply the Nail Glue and Bandages!

  6. No, KAK – I never did succumb. But, when I break a nail, I always say "why tonight?" People look at me like I'm nuts.

    I'm worried enough at how ugly and awful this will be that I'm totally going to go buy that stuff!

  7. Simpler quite effective remedy: The Viking has recommended Super Glue for me in the past. It works. You may need to reapply once or twice, but it really does hold things together.

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