Counting Trespasses

No Crazy Gym Lady today!

She’s off to Baton Rouge for Thanksgiving. (Sorry Danica.) But I saved this one from last week.

“Normally I love to cook, but I hate cooking for Thanksgiving because my mother’s kitchen is so…Limited! It’s very frustrating for me.”


This year my mom and stepsister, Hope, are doing all the cooking. I don’t recall if I mentioned that. Despite my NoNaNo words about Thanksgiving being about lots of prep, things worked out so that we can’t get to Tucson until tomorrow midday. For those keeping score at home, that leaves little time for cooking, even though we do eat later in the day.

They’re both so lovely about it, they’ve said not to worry and I can cook at Christmas.

So I’ll waltz in and be fed. Pretty glam.

We’re lucky to have a place to go for this celebration, with people we enjoy so much. I’ve been having a lot of conversations this week with friends dreading their Thanksgiving obligations. The same themes rise over and over again. Families who don’t listen to each other, who are so busy judging who’s living the more correct life that no one can relax and take pleasure in the day. The gathering of family becomes a gauntlet for some, an annual performance review that almost always comes with a stamp of “Did Not Meet Expectations.”

Never mind that those expectations are rarely anything the person agreed to.

People have been saying a lot this week about thankfulness, gratitude, counting blessings. That’s to be expected for this holiday. It’s important to me, to count the ways I am so fortunate, so rich. Perhaps, though, we might spend time thinking about the demands we lay on the people we love, who we expect them to be, how we expect them to behave.

I think often of this quote, which I’m sure I’ve quoted here before, by Jim Morrison:

The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.

He’s talking about those expectations. I imagine we can all think of ways our families have asked us to be someone we’re not. David and I have been trying to turn that around, being diligent not to be the smiling murderers ourselves.

That’s my small bid for change. Sending along my wishes and hopes that you who are dreading the gatherings find joy in some part of them.

If not, you can all come to my mom’s house!

With that, I’ll leave you to at least enjoy the time off. Have a lovely holiday!

8 Replies to “Counting Trespasses”

  1. Happy Thanksgiving Jeffe!. Leave it to crazy lady to find something wrong with her mothers kitchen. That being said, our thanksgiving celebrations, usually involve the pool or corn hole, no unreasonable expectations allowed, It's not perfect, but we have fun with friends and family and try not to worry about the rest.

  2. Thank you, Branli! I hope yours is good, despite that nasty working thing.

    Chudney – that sounds just perfect. Exactly how it should be. Happy Thanksgiving to you!

  3. Interesting quote, I may have to contemplate that one for a while and I loves me some contemplations on a full stomach!

    Enjoy the trip and the time with the Fam.

  4. You had me wincing, but B.R. is still considered "north" Louisiana from where I live, lol. Yay!

    I might complain about and poke fun at my family (constantly), but I take great pleasure in being around them. They're what make the holidays for me, so I do look forward to this time of year even though the hermit part of me still dreads it.

    Have a happy Thanksgiving, Jeffe. I hope it's a great one for you and your family 🙂

  5. What a great quote! I celebrated Thanksgiving a week early, even invited the boyfriend for the first time thinking my family would behave. Lol. I don't think so! Gotta love family!

  6. Linda, we are blessed, indeed.

    Don't contemplate too hard, KAK – you could strain something.

    Excellent news, Danica! Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

    Thanks, Zee! Sorry that the family/BF thing didn't go well. Alas for subtle murder.

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