4 Replies to “First Cup of Coffee – October 16, 2020”
A few thoughts on today’s podcast:
1 – You bet we are following the elections closely and with trepidation, fear, and a little bit of hope. Just as we did 4 years ago.
2 – As for people not reaching out. Some may indeed not be interested to stay in touch, but some may not do so for other reasons. Looking at myself I often feel like I’m not that interesting, important, etc.. So when I’m in a bad place or feeling down I stop reaching out because I’m convinced I’m bothering people and they’re relieved I’m not contacting them. And when they don’t reach out to me of course I take that as confirmation I’m right in thinking I’ve been bothering them with my reaching out in the past. So yeah… ?
I’m going to agree with Carien on the not reaching out. Other reasons include:
Some people are just bad at reaching out, period (this is 100% me). A large part of why me and my best friend are best friends is because we can go really long periods of time without touching base and neither of us will get offended, and when we do connect, it’s like no time has passed.
Other people may be too intimidated or feel like they would be bothering that person (also me). I recently recommended someone to teach an online class (paid) and although he’s a good friend, and in my crit group, so I talk to him nearly every week, and I knew he’d be perfect to teach that subject, I was actually worried that he would be irritated that I recommended him (in part b/c I know he’s been super busy and stressed). If me and you were at a con and I was organizing a group to go eat somewhere, it wouldn’t occur to me to invite you b/c I feel like you’re in a higher sphere and would have “better things to do” (and really, let’s be honest, I’m pretty unlikely to organize a lunch at all b/c i’d assume that *everyone* has better things to do). I also try to not, like, send you messages on slack very often for the same reason. I’m involved in the Flights of Foundry convention, and although there’s a list of author friends (which, yes, you are on) whom I’d love to send emails to and be like “Hey, would you be interested in being on our programming?” the process of that is so incredibly intimidating that it will be a miracle if I ever actually send those emails (it doesn’t help that I know you don’t like filling out forms, and a form would probably be involved, lol).
Some of us are also just forgetful–there’s a thing with ADHD where the minute you no longer see something, you forget that it exists. Like you buy your favorite desert to eat, and then you take it home, and it gets put in the fridge or cabinet behind something else for some reason, and you completely forget it’s there, and never eat it, and then eventually have to throw it out, un-eaten. I could see this extending to people, whether friends or favorite authors.
Anyways, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, unless I have a good reason not to (admittedly, this doesn’t always work out well for me, but ah well, I think the pros out-weigh the cons). Maybe the person with the other podcast feels like they would be asking you for a favor/wasting your time if they think their audience is too small or the wrong genre. Or maybe their brain just didn’t connect the wires correctly. I mean, it seems unlikely that they just don’t like you or whatever, if you’ve done/are doing other stuff together.
Okay, a few points:
1. I don’t think of myself in a higher sphere, so always please invite me. I know how to say no.
2. I love being invited to do programming! (I can always make Carien fill out the form. #EvilJeffe)
3. Feel free to message me on Slack. I’m there for a reason.
4. Really good ideas on giving people the benefit of the doubt 🙂
//
A few thoughts on today’s podcast:
1 – You bet we are following the elections closely and with trepidation, fear, and a little bit of hope. Just as we did 4 years ago.
2 – As for people not reaching out. Some may indeed not be interested to stay in touch, but some may not do so for other reasons. Looking at myself I often feel like I’m not that interesting, important, etc.. So when I’m in a bad place or feeling down I stop reaching out because I’m convinced I’m bothering people and they’re relieved I’m not contacting them. And when they don’t reach out to me of course I take that as confirmation I’m right in thinking I’ve been bothering them with my reaching out in the past. So yeah… ?
We can do crazy things inside our heads, for sure!
I’m going to agree with Carien on the not reaching out. Other reasons include:
Some people are just bad at reaching out, period (this is 100% me). A large part of why me and my best friend are best friends is because we can go really long periods of time without touching base and neither of us will get offended, and when we do connect, it’s like no time has passed.
Other people may be too intimidated or feel like they would be bothering that person (also me). I recently recommended someone to teach an online class (paid) and although he’s a good friend, and in my crit group, so I talk to him nearly every week, and I knew he’d be perfect to teach that subject, I was actually worried that he would be irritated that I recommended him (in part b/c I know he’s been super busy and stressed). If me and you were at a con and I was organizing a group to go eat somewhere, it wouldn’t occur to me to invite you b/c I feel like you’re in a higher sphere and would have “better things to do” (and really, let’s be honest, I’m pretty unlikely to organize a lunch at all b/c i’d assume that *everyone* has better things to do). I also try to not, like, send you messages on slack very often for the same reason. I’m involved in the Flights of Foundry convention, and although there’s a list of author friends (which, yes, you are on) whom I’d love to send emails to and be like “Hey, would you be interested in being on our programming?” the process of that is so incredibly intimidating that it will be a miracle if I ever actually send those emails (it doesn’t help that I know you don’t like filling out forms, and a form would probably be involved, lol).
Some of us are also just forgetful–there’s a thing with ADHD where the minute you no longer see something, you forget that it exists. Like you buy your favorite desert to eat, and then you take it home, and it gets put in the fridge or cabinet behind something else for some reason, and you completely forget it’s there, and never eat it, and then eventually have to throw it out, un-eaten. I could see this extending to people, whether friends or favorite authors.
Anyways, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, unless I have a good reason not to (admittedly, this doesn’t always work out well for me, but ah well, I think the pros out-weigh the cons). Maybe the person with the other podcast feels like they would be asking you for a favor/wasting your time if they think their audience is too small or the wrong genre. Or maybe their brain just didn’t connect the wires correctly. I mean, it seems unlikely that they just don’t like you or whatever, if you’ve done/are doing other stuff together.
Okay, a few points:
1. I don’t think of myself in a higher sphere, so always please invite me. I know how to say no.
2. I love being invited to do programming! (I can always make Carien fill out the form. #EvilJeffe)
3. Feel free to message me on Slack. I’m there for a reason.
4. Really good ideas on giving people the benefit of the doubt 🙂